Six Random Things

I have been tagged by my fellow MICAn, fellow Chennuy, fellow Accenture-ian, fellow PaGaL, fellow short-film-about-future-of-humanity maker Deepak Gopalakrishnan to write six random things about myself on my blog. Apparently this is some long-running game, which just goes to prove that there are enough number of jobless people to keep blogdom going! Representing a section of this disadvantaged population, I shall do the same.

Anyway, here are the rules:

1. I shall write 6 random things, and 'tag' six people to continue this
2. They shall proceed to write six random things, and 'tag' six random people
3. They shall intimate me when done

Six Random Things about me

1. The latest food obsession is Honey dipped dates.

2. As a kid, I always wondered why doesn't the water from the oceans fall down into space, if the earth is round. (I still wonder, you expect me to believe all that Gravity mumbo jumbo!)

3. I don't like putting a bedsheet on my bed.

4. I secretly pray that god punishes people who say that reading is a hobby for them and all they have read is "Sidney Sheldon"

5. I absolutely love washing clothes if there is a washing machine around. I actually get a kick out of it.

6. Sushmita Sen is the sexiest, smartest , sanest ..... Indian woman ever

And the axe falls on


Aditi
Dream Catcher
Pragnya
Bhaskar
Amlan
Satyakam

P.S: This is my shortest post ever !

Anatomy of a B school Class

Though I can endlessly talk about how is life at MICA ( I do promise to dedicate a post to that, now that I have actually pulled myself to writing a post), beyond the hallowed portals of any good school and the rosy picture all aspirants create in their heads, lies a harsh reality which mere mortals like me have to confront on a daily basis. A picture which has all the emotions of a bollywood potboiler power packed in a matter of 90 minutes. Its the apparently exciting portrait of a regular class, which is supposed to be an event where work experience is leveraged in class participation, insights are obtained in moments of truth and collective learning is a way of life. Fortunately, at MICA most of the classes are somewhere near to what I just described. Fortunately( which gives me an opportunity to break my blog coma), some are not. I would thus like to bring to you some startling findings in light of my recent experiences and complex analysis of my study. ( I am getting better at pffaf!)

Lets switch from my gyaan to our lovely bodies. The human body has a few organs like the appendix. These apparently serve no purpose. But they still have the ability to cause immense pain and suffering. A boring class is just like the appendix. The purpose of its existence is yet to be fathomed by innocent and naive students like us. Maybe its a part of some larger order of things , maybe it is a part of the grand design. As of now, it just gives me an opportunity to wonder as to why we are trying to relive Auswitch.

The Boring Class can be broken down into its respective organs, namely

1. The Brain: Considered the most vital organ for meaningful existence, the faculty assumes the position of the brain, who has suffered from Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, selective amnesia etc, and yet considers himself indispensable for the ideological upliftment of half confused half dazed bunch of pseudo intellectual morons, who are wondering where did Herbert Spencer go wrong with Survival of the fittest theory?

2. The Heart: The Subject. Which we are subjected to and later subjugated to. Its just a humongous cute kid who just ends up being caught in the wrong body. It tries pumping sense into the brain, knowing very well that its all it can do. But then , the heart has reasons reason knows nothing of.

3. The Rest of the Body: Obviously, the aforesaid morons. I wont go into vivid descriptions about these mutated earthlings. But each of us can assume specific parts, as I shall deliberate later

Brace yourself, the giant monster of this body is up. 9:00 am

The brain decides that it his noble duty to ensure that the body parts function effectively. So it starts off its discourse. Now, as they say, do baatein ho sakti hain.

Baat 1

Its a monologue. The supreme being has decided that today is an extremely important topic and discussions may lead us to a bottomless pit of uninformed opinions and half baked concepts. The faculty exercises , what I call the " Learned mans burden" and goes on to enlighten our tottered souls with pearls of his wisdom. Meanwhile, the heart is about to go into cardiac arrest. The body parts have lost all sense of what is happening around them, and thus they speak ( equivalent to passing notes in class)

I feel like a soldier who is in the line of fire, the first regiment to face the enemy attack, to face the first bullets.

This man is the personification of the word ennui. His voice lulls me into a sense of absurdity and non sensibility and I write statements like these

My chief organ - the brain is reorganising itself if he goes on another 5 minutes talking about organisational restructuring

How would you like to die !

He is going to break the record for the longest pauses between sentences.

The last nail in the coffin! All I wanted was diagrammatic gas

This is a dark, dark world we live in. We have all been caught for thought crime and this is our punishment.

And then, when it becomes too much to bear

The Lord compels me to call upon the pro literate to punish the sinner, the wicked man, the child of Satan, because of whom, the hour of doom is upon us. Arise, awake and stop not until the death of our minds is bereaved

With all this and everything else, the poor student suffers from the Buttered CAT paradox. Most of you will not click on an embedded link, let me provide an explanation.

The Buttered Cat paradox is combination of two adages:

• Cat always land on their feet.
• Buttered toast always falls on the buttered side down

The paradox arises when one considers what would happen if one attached a piece of buttered toast (butter side up) to the back of a cat, then dropped the cat from a large height.

As the cat falls towards the ground, it will slow down and start to rotate, eventually reaching a steady state of hovering a short distance from the ground while rotating at high speed as both the buttered side of the toast and the cat’s feet attempt to land on the ground.

The Poor Student Paradox ( by yours truly)

• You will feel sleepy in a horrendously boring class
• The faculty will only catch you sleeping amongst all others
  

The poor student is forever stuck between falling asleep, thus saving him from the agony of seeing his IQ getting sucked up slowly and being awake so that he has the most important commodity in a b school: Attendance. He thus goes into an infinite loop of battling his own thoughts.

Somewhere in between the class ends. Amen

If you still remembered that there is a Baat 2, hope that I post again.

He Amen : Mastur of the Universe

Someone asked me the other day “What does one do to stay motivated?” Unfortunately, the person in question was blissfully unaware of my current state of affairs at work. So there was hardly anything I could tell her. I was killing time at office, reading random stuff from the net. I chanced upon an article which was linked to religious extremism. The author had tried to explain that religion does play an important part in pushing people to extremism. I was thinking about what religion actually is? And as things were brewing up in my head, I saw the status message of Earth Shattering Researcher. The conversation starts with the “Earth Shattering Researcher’s” status message ( I dont recall it right now )

And since yours truly was absolutely jobless, his mind began to wander and he decided to make these lines into a poem with nice rhyming lines. What eventually turned out was something which was crazy,unpalatable and outrageous. Here Goes

me: I am the crappiest live sage

But I shall never age

and so true is the adage

Life is nothing but a maze

Earth Shattering Researcher: You on something?

me: Which shall never cease to amaze

Yaa I am jobless

Earth Shattering Researcher: No...you took the blue pill

you should have taken the red one

me: No pills for us

Lol

Earth Shattering Researcher: Those are the new craze

me: Never may die down the craze

me: Ahh similar thoughts

Earth Shattering Researcher: your illusions they'll raze

lift you outta the daze

me: and we are mere characters of the plays

Earth Shattering Researcher: and won’t let u be like cattle that graze

me: whose destiny is decided by the days

Fuck

Cattle ..lol

Earth Shattering Researcher:

So during work, why laze?

me: NO work ...so full time laze ...

this organization never ceases to amaze

Earth Shattering Researcher: yah

gotcha!

me: Yup sire bows applauds

Earth Shattering Researcher: See - thats Operation Random Brainfuck

me: Shit .. I thought I was bugged!! No wonder I keep seeing weird people following me all around, monitoring my moves, hacking into my IM conversations, I am sure they are being paid by the government to kill my genius and exploit me for their evil designs.

Santa Maria!! The whole fuckin machinery is into this

Earth Shattering Researcher: What you saw was an inkling of our power!

me: CONSPIRACY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Earth Shattering Researcher: Soon we will have the whole world make silly rhymes and shock them by not rhyming!

Then we can organize the shag-contest in peace

me: Oh Lord your disciples seek you

Earth Shattering Researcher:

They tarry too far from the path

Tell them to seek the pink dildo under the blue neon light

me: For there comes Earth Shattering researcher to wreck linguistic havoc

Earth Shattering Researcher: There will they find enlightenment

me: With his satanic gatherings ..he intends to dethrone you

But thou shall not falter my lord

Earth Shattering Researcher: My blessings are always with you...and for a price, my sperm too

me: Thou shall conspire against you

Earth Shattering Researcher: Go! Vanquish the evil anti-libertarians!

with the power of miserable rhymes!

me: For shagging is a religion beyond any, it surpasses and overpowers the differences of caste, creed, religion and race. It connects people on such a emotional and personal level

Earth Shattering Researcher: yeah.. and universal in its outlook!

me: Its the way to salvation ..Encompassing one and all

Earth Shattering Researcher: With a far more important message than any other!

me: The message that doesn’t need any disciples or scriptures to stay alive

we need is built within us

The hormones..Those little angels

Earth Shattering Researcher: A message that wrenches the listeners heart and his penis...and makes them cry out in blessed salvation ... "i have to d"rop my load!!!

blessed is the horny for he shall inherit his father's unused condoms

me: He shall be the harbringer of a great legacy

Earth Shattering Researcher: thus spake the book of playboy

me: and thus the world saw the magic of the HAND

Earth Shattering Researcher:

thus was the yoke of the evil wenches cast off! and the horny slaves became free men!

me: The world went white .. With spluttering all around

Earth Shattering Researcher: yeah...the people who came later called it the great stud's flood

me: And it was forever etched in the memory of the believer and the kaafir alike

Earth Shattering Researcher: yeah!

me: What havoc could thy lord himself bring upon .the masses

Earth Shattering Researcher: We celebrate that day each year as "Shag day"

and a great contest was instituted on that day in memory of the great and terrible events wrought on that day

me: And for a true believer ..Every day is a shag day . For there is no time of the day to worship thy lord

Earth Shattering Researcher: so that future generations may always remember the power of shag but there are sects that claim it must be done 5 times a day

and some who do it once a week on sunday

me: Sects who claim are the strictest and most devout follower of the lord .. 5 times a day is Ideal

Earth Shattering Researcher: yeah

me: But alas!! So dark the Con of man

Earth Shattering Researcher:

so dark the cum of man u mean...

me: Yes thy Believer ..Thank you for getting me back on the path

For our faith for the lord is unwavering.. Our belief rock solid

Earth Shattering Researcher: look no further for thy salvation, its inside thy very own pants!

me: With our dicks head high .. We shall shag away to glory

And the world shall bathe in the shining light of thy Achievements..for we shall be spoken about in folklore

Earth Shattering Researcher: "They were the ones whom the Lord exalted among all other men by teaching the Power of Shag"

me: "They were the ones deemed worthy enough by the Lord to disSEMENeate his teachings"

Earth Shattering Researcher:

oi mamu i gtg now

prof's just come in

cya later

me: This is on my blog now

Sure thing :D

Earth Shattering Researcher: fuck no!

thats blashphemy innit!

at least change the names

me: Hey man i am pretty serious about putting this up

Ahh I shall take my creative liberties

Earth Shattering Researcher: cmon man...u gotta protect ur sources after all

me: Wokay .. One frustu softie engg ..to another bored MS student :P

Earth Shattering Researcher: :D

research assistant

me: ok fine

RA would do

Earth Shattering Researcher: or MS student will be better

me: So much for the Research :P

Earth Shattering Researcher: obscures it better

:P

me: okies sire ..Signing off

The point of the conversation was nothing.But come to think of it,shagging is as much as a religion as any.Like Eastern school of thought, It asks you to look for salvation within, and tells you that you can find all the answers within yourself.It asks you to introspect and battle your own vices.Like the western school of thought, it asks you to let the devil out, and seek solace from a external messiah.All religions have the backdrop of the victory of good over evil, carefully woven into a story when the believer triumphs inspite of all odds.Any religion for that matter is simply a set of beliefs. Whether it’s followed/implemented is a different matter altogether. I know what I am taking is a very simplistic view of religion. But that’s what essentially religion means to most people today. We manipulate it for our convenience, seek it in times of frustration and need, forget it completely in times of glee and use it to as a means to a million ends. People who claim to be religious are either pseudo-religious or are totally unaware what religion stands for. Though I am the follower of “A world philosophy” by default, most people would like to embrace it as it’s convenient. It doesn’t ask you to adhere to a strict routine (If it does, I am blissfully ignorant) , doesn’t spell out the duties of a follower, gives you millions of gods to choose from , allows you an occasional birthday- exam-result-anniversary visit to the temple and you can still claim that you follow a religion. Most of us don’t care though, which is at least right, for we don’t try to perpetuate it. This post probably goes out to those people who believe in the “interpretation” of their religion.You simply use the line of reasoning I used to misuse it. For others, what the heck!! Do I need to make sense all the time.

P.S Title of post suggested by a friend :D